Thursday 26 September 2013

What comes after cancer?

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, and as much as having cancer sucks, I'm a little worried about what life is going to be like after I'm done with cancer.  It's not just a break in my life, for a teenager 3 years is a long time, and I'm missing out on a big part of my life.  It's life changing really, everything is different, my health, my thoughts, my feelings, my dreams, everything.  So I wonder if I'll ever be able to be back sitting in a class room filled with girls gossiping about drama, and boys doing whatever teenage boys do, to me those things don't really matter anymore.  I used to care about things like drama, and who's dating who, and what the supply teacher is wearing, but honestly none of that matters any more, the world is so much bigger than that.  I see status' about how there's a cold going around and people write things like "omg I feel like I'm dying! Sooo sick D:" and I just roll my eyes at it because they don't know the half of it.  Not that I blame them, how are they suppose to know?  Most people don't have to go through this, ever.  I just feel really different, and I'm going to have these memories with me forever, so it kind of makes me wonder if I'll ever be able to really connect with an average person later on.  I'm not sure if that sounds shallow, or makes me crazy.  I'm just worried I won't ever be "normal" again, even without cancer.
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3 comments:

  1. Anonymous26 September 2013 at 12:09

    I think this experience is going to make you such a strong person. Nothing can get you down after all this and I think you will be a happier person. Now you have the ability to see the big picture of what we call life, not all the artificial things that can cloud our vision -L

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  2. Anonymous2 October 2013 at 15:21

    I think being normal is over rated personally. Lately it seems like everyone want to have something that sets you apart from everyone else. Most people are good at soccer or whatever, and that's great and dandy and all, but you have something that actually makes you special, because you overcame death. Now how many people actually get to say that? Just think how strong of a person you'll be after all this.

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  3. Unknown3 October 2013 at 05:13

    I loved this entry. I haven't experienced anything close to what you have, but I can totally see how it would change you as a person. I think that as people we are incredibly resilient, and after all this is over you'll be surprised at how quickly your old self comes back. Well, a stronger and braver version of your old self (though you seem pretty strong and brave to begin with). You are an incredible writer and an incredible person. All the best <3

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