keep your chin up

I'm glad that I make blog posts because sometimes I really need to take my own advice.  I seem to have gone down hill once again, and this time it's been really disappointing.  My new medication that I was taking, that was making me o-so happy, is no longer working as well, but it's not just that, it's that every piece of good news I get, doesn't seem to actually be happening.  I got told that I no longer have any more "planned" admissions, I have had three admissions since then.  I was told I no longer had to have one clinic day every Tuesday, I only had to come in once every two weeks for a clinic day, since then I have had at least two clinic days every week.  My last admission, I was in hospital for shingles, that was when I made my last blog post.  I'm now just coming home from an other admission in intensive care, for shingles again!  This time, I am just a little less pleased.  The doctor says that because my immune system is compromised, the shingles will come and go.  It was also really hard for me to leave my family to go to the hospital this time, because it just doesn't seem like I'm getting better anymore.  More and more bad things seem to keep happening and it was just pilling up on me.  I was definitely losing hope.  So I took a second and I read my last blog post, and I looked at all of the accomplishments I have made in the last little while, and realized that even though I'm having a bad month, there is still good in it.  I may have started this post thinking that it was going to be a negative one, but I'm glad I made it, because if I didn't, I probably wouldn't have read my last post, and would still be in a slump. I am still upset about the things going on, but my thinking has changed, and that makes everything just a little more bearable.

life as we know it

Life as we know it, is hard.  Every one knows that, but what not enough people realise, is that it's all the hard days, that makes us truly appreciate the good ones.  I'm a glass half full kind of girl, and what I have learned over the past few weeks, is to really appreciate the life we are given.  Right now I'm laying in my hospital bed with a bad case of the shingles, but honestly I haven't been this happy in a long time.  Today I got up, had a full breakfast, brushed my teeth and did my exercises.  For most people that's normal and not a big deal, but for me just doing that was huge.  I'm noticing improvement in myself, even though I'm still really sick, I feel great because I'm trying my very hardest to get better.  Its all about your state of mind, I have been laying down in a bed, or sitting around on a couch for almost a year now, and I have lost all my muscle.  To get up and start moving again takes a lot of will power, and strength.  Yesterday I walked beside my mom for the first time in a long time, just walking, not limping or really struggling, and it was so nice.  The point of all this, is that things are truly starting to look up, I'm trying harder and I'm seeing improvement, and for the first time, I can actually visualise myself healthy and getting better.  It's the most amazing feeling in the world, and I plan on continuing forward.  No one should ever give up, no matter how hard it seems.