I never expected it to be like this. This part, the recovery, is honestly just as bad as being sick. Just a different kind of pain. I feel so alone, now more than ever. At least when I was sick I could give people numbers or results or something, so they could see why it hurts.. but I don't think many people can understand this. Not really.
Now that I am starting to feel like a regular person, I really see the impact that cancer has had on my life. I am a different person.
I'm not that 15 year old girl I remember. I feel 100% behind everybody my own age, and everybody younger than me is way too immature for my personality. I have the maturity of an 80 year old, and the experience of a 15 year old.
I miss my old life. I miss having tones of boyfriends, and being friends with every one in the school. All of my friends seem to have disappeared and I am so self conscious & insecure, I don't even know how to approach men.. I don't have regular things to talk about with people. I may not be sick anymore... but I don't know how to behave like I'm not sick anymore. I don't remember how to socialize, and I don't know how to learn.
I just want things to go back how they were pre-cancer.
I want to be a "normal" 18 year old...
