learning new things

I have recently came to the conclusion that my hair growth is decieving.  Not too long ago, my hair cells started to come back slowly.  It wasn't much but it two months time, I had fuzzies all over my head, I had a full set of eye lashes, and eye brows, and I was even growing leg hair.  I was extatic because the doctors always said that my hair would not start to grow back until maintenance(a later stage in my treatments), so I just thought that I had a head start and my hair would have more time to grow for school.  A couple weeks later, all of my fuzzies fell out, my leg hair was gone, and I have now lost my eye lashes& brows.  It turns out that my hair cells will continue to do so, until I hit maintenance.  It will grow and then fall out, a bunch of times before it really starts coming back.  I find this extremly unfair and decieving, losing your hair once is hard enough, but to lose it over and over is just not right.  I also recently found out that there is a very good chance that when I'm done with cancer, I could very well not be able to have children.  I don't really have many good things to say about that, I am just bummed. 

Positivity is Key

A lot of people ask me how I deal with cancer, and every time my answer will always stay the same: I think positively.  That's what I did even before I was diagnosed, using positive thinking is a great thing to do in any situation.  Even in your deepest, darkest times, there is always a bright side.  It may be small, it may be hard to see, but it's there, and if you can find it, you know that things aren't all bad.  It's also important to know that it can always be worse, even in my situation, I think hey, I still have a kick ass family, I have all my limbs, it's not terminal cancer, but most importantly I WILL GET BETTER. I take it one day at a time, and each day that goes by, is a day closer to health.  There are so many positive thoughts, that I tell my self each and every day, and I have gotten quite good at it, but for the days that I forget, I have my supporters.  You know who you are.  So to any one that is reading my blog that may be struggling in some way, shape, or form, this is my suggestion to you.

Terry Fox Run

On friday, September 27th, my old school, ENSS held a Terry Fox run.  So many people I knew were running for me, and it was really touching.  I really miss ENSS because it was a big part of my life, all of my closest friends still go there, and I'm really hoping i'll get the chance to go back.  I think the Terry Fox run is a really powerful day, and that it is truly amazing that one man made such a difference.  Since so many people were running for me, and all of my friends were going, I thought the least I could do was show up at the finish line and be there supporting them.

fever admissions

Admissions suck.  There's no getting around it, they just suck.  For those of you who don't know, an admission is when you have to stay over-night at a hospital.  Most of the time, when I'm in for an admission it's because im getting chemo, they usualy last for about 6 days, and im scheduled to go in every two weeks.  My problem, is that i always seem 100 times more sick in hospital than I do at home.  In hospital you have nurses coming in waking you up all throughout the night, every one wants to take your temperature and your blood pressure, and the food tastes like hospital food.  Not only that but you are attached to an IV pole that beeps really loudly almost every hour for the entire time you're there (I have named my IV pole Stuart, because I think everything should have a name).  If I wasn't already really sick because of the chemo, none of this stuff would seem so bad.  I've gotten used to the chemo admissions though, because you know when they are coming so you can brace yourself for them.  When you think about it, after every admission you are just one step closer to being done with all of this, thats what I always think to myself when I'm feeling down about being in the hospital and feeling like crap "This too shall pass".  The reason I haven't blogged lately is because I have been in hospital for a different kind of admission, this time it was because I got a fever.  I know that might seem silly to most of you, but when you really think about it, I have pretty much no imune system, that means I have no good cells to fight off anything on my own.  When you get a fever, that means your body is trying to fight something.  So if I didn't go into the hospital right away, and gotten lots of antibiotics, the simple little cold that I have, would have killed me.  Fever admissions arent as bad as chemo admissions because you aren't getting medicine that litteral kills all cells in your body, but you have to sit there for 4 days, getting antibiotics, which have some pretty nasty side effects.  I'm still laying in my hospital bed, i'm on the fourth day of being here, so I should be going home right now, but I'm not sure if they are going to let me leave or not because I'm pretty sick.  There isn't much good to this post, but I really want every one out there to enjoy the lives that they have to the fullest.  Enjoy your home cooked meals, enjoy your feelings of health and strength, and family and friends, because not everybody has that.  So when you do have all that, It's important to realize it.