When I first got cancer, I had no idea what the journey was going to be like. I thought it would be a break in my life and I would have a hard time for a while, but eventually I expected things to go back to have they were before I got sick...boy, was I wrong.
Going through my blue book (my protocal) my mom and I came to the conclusion a long time ago, that I was to be done treatment on April 25th. A few weeks ago I was told that that was incorrect, and I was going to be done in just a few weeks. I will be done treatment on February (hate spelling that word, such a pointless R!) 29th. I have now finished my IV treatment and all I have left is my oral chemo.
Everyone keeps congratulating me, telling how awesome this is. I agree, it is awesome! but why am I not feeling that way? I'm scared. I'm not ready to be done. I prepared myself to be done in April, not now! It may be hard for other people to understand, but I had no idea recovery would be this difficult. I'm worried that once I'm done, people will expect me to just be better. Be normal. But I know it's not going to be that easy. I'm still sick, my feet still don't work like they should, and I still have next to no energy. I was hoping that by the time I stopped treatment, I would be a little better than I am now.
Cancer has been my entire life for three years now, I don't know how to live "normally". I don't know how to be a "normal teenager". I don't know how to feel or act, and I'm scared.
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